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Life of Brian

By Aaron Wong

As a black motorbike pulled up outside the Westminster Bank in Swindon Jack the manager’s son knew that it meant trouble.

A tall man wearing a helmet walked up to the bank’s grand wooden doors. When he was inside the grand old building he removed his helmet from his head and only then did the people in the banking hall gasp and realise to the full extent what was happening. He wore an ancient brown coat with coffee stains and long trousers blacker than the darkest night. In one hand he held a large brown sack and in the other a pistol. He had a black tattoo only just visible under his coat it was of a dragon. His face was covered by a brown woollen balaclava and the parts of his face that were visible were covered with so much dirt he looked like he worked in a coal mine.

As he walked towards the teller pointing his gun at the teller, he suddenly broke the silence “Nobody move or I will shoot you, if you try anything stupid I will shoot you,” he had a thick Russian accent and his voice was dangerously soft, it sounded as if he was talking through gritted teeth. “You won’t get away with this,” the teller cautiously said. “Oh yes I will,” the robber quickly replied “I have many allies.” He opened the sack then he shouted “Empty the vault or I’ll empty this gun!” He shot a bullet missing the terrified tellers head by millimetres then laughed manically while he thrust the sack into the tellers face then barked out “Get cracking before I blow your brains out.” The teller quickly dashed out back happy to escape the madness even if only for a minute before having to return with a bulging sack. When he did return the way that he dragged the sack along the ground made you think it was filled with lead. When the he resumed his position at the counter the robber walked up to him and effortlessly snatched the sack out of the tellers hand and said “Good bye, nice knowing you people” he once again laughed manically as he walked out the door taking over £10,000 with him.

While waiting for the police and secret service to arrive Jack made himself useful by making seemingly endless cups of tea in the lunchroom for the many startled bank customers. At precisely 11 o’clock the police arrived, 16 minutes after the robber left. After gathering the evidence the police and secret service who arrived 12 minutes after the police left and the staff then locked up. The manager was walking out the door when suddenly out of the blue jack said to his father “Will they catch the robber?” “Yes Jack they will,” was the reply his father gave him. “They always do.”

Epilogue Three days later, at the Lloyds bank in London a well dressed business man walked up to the teller and emptied a strongbox filled with over £50,000 on to the desk. “I’d like to deposit this into my account please,” the man said in a strange foreign accent. “Oh, would you please go to interview room one with your money and a senior staff member will take care of you,” the teller said.The man did this. Seconds after he closed the door of the interview room there was a knock and two police officers in uniform entered the room with a gun pointed at the man. “Vladimir how nice to see you,” the officer with the gun said. “You are under arrest for two counts of armed robbery.” The other officer removed the strong box from Vladimir’s grip ignoring his scowl and said to the other officer “Sergeant Wright does it again.” The officer holding the gun replied “of course, we always do.

**(C)MMX Aaron Wong**

Brian Falkner Books