Do Not Click Do Not Click Do Not Click
School Stuff
Fun Stuff
Life of Brian
How Santa Stole Christmas

By Richard Soranno

About 3 months ago, Santa lost his mind. That also would explain why the North Pole has lost 6-12 deer and all of us elves had to repair the sled for a week. Santa being a wreck less and speedy driver in that sled and all. Good thing we have magic to fly our sleds instead. But, let me tell you a little about me. I’m an elf, commonly known as elf number 3, because I am the third oldest. Although people have always told me I was brave, I never really thought that I would have the courage to stop Santa from steeling Christmas (with some help). Here’s how it happened…

“Santa has escaped!” yelled the eldest elf, elf #1
“What do you mean!?!?” I hollered back.
As the argument continued, elf #1 explained how Santa was headed somewhere to steel and keep Christmas all to himself. As all of the elves searched for him, I started to wonder if he had gone into the dark part of the North Pole, where no one dared to venture. That was because there was no light, and was always so silent that it was intimidating, though there was nothing there, as far as we knew.
“No, he couldn’t be there.” I said aloud, although I wondered in the back of my mind where else he could be. I mean, it’s not like he would fly to the moon.
“Hey, over here!” said elf #12 in excitement and with high expectations. As we all walked to the scene of where we might find Santa, I felt a dark feeling come over me like an oily, slick trench coat. I had no idea why, but nothing good could come from this discovery.
“These are some sled tracks that I found said.” Said elf #12 positively.
“So? Where do they lead to?” I demanded back.”
“I don’t know” he explained as the hopeful expression wiped off his face like a towel wiping a slate clean. “Should we follow them?” he continued.
“What do you think?!?!” I said, almost furious because we had no idea what to do without him. “Plus, how are we even going to follow these tracks? It’s not like we have a sled.
A grin widened across elf #12’s face and said with great confidence,
“Were elves, remember? We can make anything.”
Ashamed that I had not thought of that first, we got to work on a sled, without another word.

“With a crack, snap, and a whistle, the make-shift sled was soaring through the air, following the curved and impossible swerves that Santa made to, well, wherever he was going. In my head again, I had a feeling. A bad feeling. It came over me like a 30 pound sheet being tossed on top of me, leaving no escape. What if Santa had gone someplace overpopulated? Being magical and all, it would be extremely bad if we were to be spotted by a regular human being, because then there would be no mystery, which would lead to demand to show our faces whenever the selfish humans pleased, making us extinct and never be able to have the good girls and boys wake up to Christmas joy, with the felling of gifts, and togetherness. While contemplating how to fix any problems that may come, elf #5, a very nervous elf that was so shy he only talked when he had a bad feeling or a very important question. He walked up to me and said,
“What was that bump we just hit?’’
“What bump?” I replied.
Just as I said that, everything in the sled bounced 20 feet in the air, as all the elves hung on for dear life, never letting go because of the surprise that had happed to the sled that was so fragile it could fall apart at any moment given the most gentile circumstances. As we all recovered and put ourselves back together, elf said slyly,
“That one.”
“Is everyone alright?” the eldest elf said as he gathered himself.
Mixed answers were said, flocculating between yes, no, and somewhat. Although because of the rush that everyone was through, everyone forgot that they had to steer the sled! As it was barrel rolling to the earth quicker than a meteor shower, they were still on track!

Landing on top of the same sled Santa took, I then realized that my fear was a reality. We were in New York City. Probably the most populated place in America, and were not allowed to be seen, and we still have to find Santa. Then, all of a sudden I made an observation, so I pondered aloud,
“Why is this place so, dull?”
“Look!” said elf #9 cutting me off, “The sign says that town is 20 miles from here.”
“So” Elf I slyly replied
“So, we aren’t going to be seen by any non-magical folk for a while. And, Santa’s tracks lead that way.”
So, we all followed the tracks, but as we continued walking, four of the elves took off in need of a cooler place. It was the middle of summer, and we elves were not built to withstand this sweltering weather. The tracks led to a house in the middle of nowhere, so we all entered hopefully.

Inside the room was a swirling, green and blue gash through the wall that was dragging what was left of us recklessly while all of the assets inside were being torn limb from limb into this rip into the unknown.
“The outside of the house looked okay to me!” Exclaimed the eldest elf, elf #1; although many of us could not hear him over the once nicely furnished house that was now a parade of splinters of wood like spears and pieces of furniture attacking us in the air like seagulls when you have food at the dock. Just when that was said, elf #1 slipped and was falling into the portal, which was even scarier than the dark side of the North Pole! But through the rush of him falling through he happened to grasp my leg and drag me in there with him. And for now all the other elves were left behind to die of heat or starvation.
It was all dark for a moment. Everything was silent. More silent then a midnight summer’s eve, stargazing on the top of a cliff. No, like a walk through the snow at dusk. No, like the dark side of the North Pole. Even if I’ve never been there, this is what it would be like, I. supposed. Now, most of you would think this is so scary that you would completely lose your mind, but it was not. For these short 20 seconds or less, everything seemed peaceful, and serene. For once all of my worries had been vanquished, and I felt like I was everything in an empty and cold, dark world. But to my surprise, gravity started to kick in and a falling motion occurred. It was like a skydive off of the tallest mountain ever and woke up with a gasp.

Looking to my left, all I saw was sky. When I looked to my right, I saw elf #1. When I looked down, I saw a 300 foot drop to my death. Realizing that we were on top of the clock tower, it had all made sense. Santa had gone to stand on top of the clock tower to reclaim Christmas; he was too lazy to climb, so he made a portal to take them there.
“Come on! It’s almost too late to stop him” Elf #1 shirked, getting me offs my train of thought. As I turn around I face the once jolly and fat source of joy, that has now become an evil, insane and selfish devil who was about to make the word “Christmas” strike fear into the hearts of young children. Just as Santa was about to declare Christmas all to him, as elf #1 was frozen in fear, I sprang into action. I tackled the beast and forced him to make another portal to the North Pole. After standing up and brushing himself off from a worthless blow, he interrogated with a dark and eerie voice,
“Or what, elf?”
Then, from behind me I hear,
“Or else we will have to replace you!”
To my surprise elf#1 has spoken up to the beast that was once the nicest soul to ever be. Being as insane as this man was, the evil Santa said, “Okay” almost like a squeal, as if something were to have intimated him. Just then from behind I tackled Santa again into the portal that he had just made and then it happened again.

The indescribable silence.

A flash of light was there, but then those flakes of an even brighter white were shining from in front of me. Living in the North Pole my whole life, I knew that this was snow. We were home.
Now, most of you thought that the story was over, but, it’s not. Remember how it’s Christmas? Well, then we still have 7.5 billion presents to deliver, and we only have an hour until Christmas morning! As I rush into where we make the toys so I can gather them into Santa’s “special bag” there were no presents there. Under all the pressure I’m under I run outside and to my surprise, once again, all the elves were there. Outside and they all had the widest grin I’ve ever seen. This made me angry, and with a roar I shouted so loud it shook the snow off of mountains,
Holding their grin, they all said in unison,
Realizing that they had delivered all of those presents with the make-shift sled, I thought hard for a minute, and then assumed,
“So is that it, I mean, is this Christmas not going to be the last?
And elf #12 walked up and whispered softly, “No.”
As we are all feeling the happy ending, you are probably wondering what happened to Santa. He was imprisoned by elf #1, and kept there for years to come.
And, that is the end of my story, and there is no more Santa. But ladies and gentlemen don’t cry, because the elves have endured and matured so much, that they don’t need a Santa. And neither do you. Because Christmas is not in the North Pole or New York City. It’s in the heart.

The End.

Brian Falkner Books